Don't Choke the words of the Tabla!! Let it speak!

As I listen to the classic bhajans in my parents' CD case, I always let my ear work its magic to pick up the sounds of the tabla. Oh what grace, what elegance, and such a rhythm that keeps me tapping my foot and swaying my body, as I sit in a crowded bus, resisting the temptation to dance to the music. I then listened to my parents' collection of solely tabla playing and the only CD that is in our possession is by Zakir Hossain, the Tabla Master. I was just in awe when I heard the speed he was playing his tabla at. I mean he didn't really keep a rhythm, but wow he was playing with such intensity that I couldn't even translate the music to dancing or tapping.

I went to tabla class last weekend and as I was practicing in front of my instructor, where I began to play slightly faster just to imitate Zakir. I stumbled quite a bit, and couldn't really get farther than the second bol. I just said aloud "Man I need to slow down." Almost instantly after I said those words, my instructor said "You know Tejas, you made a good point. You told yourself to slow down. Tabla is not about playing it ridiculously fast. It is like me saying "youareaniceboy." You will not understand it until I slow down and say "you are a nice boy." Similarly, tabla playing is like having a conversation through the sounds of the tabla. Don't choke the words of the tabla by playing faster! Let it speak! Once you start choking it, you will lose the harmony, the rhythm, the elegance!"

Such a brilliant description on the impact of music. Music, like mathematics, is a universal language! I guess that means, it is time for me to learn another language! :-P

In the near future, I will be a believer...

I found myself listening to lots of music on the long bus rides from home to North Campus. One particular song, interestingly, described my love life. It is "I'm a Believer" by the Monkees. Yes, you have all listened to it, and yeah you probably can relate to the lyrics yourself. Despite your experiences in love and how it relates to this song, I am going to relate my love life to the lyrics of this song. After all, it is my blog...

So let's begin:

I thought love was only true in fairy tales
Meant for someone else but not for me.
Love was out to get me
That's the way it seemed.
Disappointment haunted all my dreams.

I started out thinking this, as I was denied, early on, by several girls. I would think love was never for me, but then again I was a little teenager! Even in my freshman year of college, I had these thoughts! I was disappointed quite a bit. Well now I am not phased as much by simple crushes. I just ignore them, I guess. Which leads to this:

I thought love was more or less a given thing,
Seems the more I gave the less I got.
What's the use in tryin?
All you get is pain.
When I needed sunshine I got rain.

All of this is probably explained in your love life because I am pretty sure it happened to you. It happens to me. I now feel like trying one bit would just give me more pain, you know? I mean every single time I want sunshine, I get disappointment and it pours on me! So I maybe if I pass this heartbreak pain, I will become a believer when I see her face, whoever she is. Am I right? Or is love out to get me again?

“The real fault is to have faults and not to amend them” --Confucius

It is interesting when another person points out your faults and errors and you must cope with the sometimes harsh truth of his/her acknowledgment. Be it from a 2 month old baby who lived with you for 4 days, to a PhD student whose life consists of PDMS and stem cells, or to an old friend you just happened to run across after 2 long years, faults about yourself that are pointed out by others is never easy to digest, especially the ones that can change your psyche of life.

My cousin came over about 3 weeks ago and brought his little 8 year old, and her even littler 2 month old to stay for 4 days. I am proud to admit I have a knack for babies, as they would laugh at my faces, my goo-goo's and my gah-gah's, my whistles, and my ridiculousness. I went to make the little 2 month old baby laugh and she pointed out one fault I had: my aggression to simply pull out a laugh in someone. It wasn't like I shook this little baby to make her laugh; I just tried all my tricks. All the goo's the gah's, the monkey faces, and the train whistles instantly failed because she would start crying. I learned that in order to make her crack a smile, I just eased myself to make conversation with her and then crack in a joke. Uh, in baby talk, I mean...

And yet my faults just kept becoming more apparent to other people, like to my supervisor. Impatience is to research as oil is to water. They don't really mix well. Now when impatience and insecurities are mixed together, trouble starts fomenting. And that is what my PhD supervisor pointed out. I was insecure about my skills, my ability to work efficiently, my ability to be as smart as her, to be as dedicated as her, to make first impressions with people in the lab, heck even insecure if I could cut something up that my cousin's 8 year old could do! I was beaten up by my insecurities, and when my supervisor inadvertently pointed out my insecurities, I knew I had to change. I would do little things that would perk me up when I didn't do something right, talk to one new person in the lab every day, read articles for fun, take less breaks so I can spend more time on the research, think about happy thoughts, or just think about something random like a song I listened to on the bus. Insecurities come and go, so why don't I just secure myself? Easy said, and yeah, it is easy done once you got a noggin with the right attitude.
Amazingly these lessons all came together when I met my old friend just yesterday. She and I changed quite a bit, I’d say, but we never changed our friendship. 2 long years didn’t really do anything to us. She’d open up about her first year in college, give me a few pointers on how to be less awkward in a conversation (there is a story behind that), and even made me laugh when laughter was needed. I would talk about the stresses of college, the craziness of my first year, and the amazing people I have met. And as we reminisced about our pasts and presents, she helped me realize that the smallest gestures I did really impacted her. I once gave her a note, and she still keeps it with her to help her shed a smile when times are rough. Or even when I gave her a present, I thought would be absolutely embarrassing and unorthodox, she would think it was a prized possession and crazed about it in college. She really pointed out to me that the smallest things in the past can have the most profound effect in the future. A simple hello, or a rap on super volcanoes, or even some Dr. Pepper boxers can just change how people portray you. So, what is the fault I have that she pointed out? These simple gestures have disappeared, vanished within the flux of time. How did it vanish? It vanished because of my current insecurities, because of my need for attention through humor and conversation, and the complete U-turn of my personality as I went from “hilarious and witty” to “serious and stern.” She told me, unknowingly, to bring back the old personality where I would be confident, friendly, funny, caring, and witty. And once this was brought back, heck my insecurities would be totally gone, the humor and conversation would just arrive, and positive things would happen in the future, like how it has been 2 long years and she still keeps a note I wrote to her that keeps her spirits up. The old Tejas, and to some of you the New Tejas, has arrived!

The last ten days

Now I know it has been 10 days or so since you last heard about my summer ordeals, but rest assured the last 10 days have been breath-taking and eye-opening. To some the 10 days were filled with a dull, drawn-out, mind-boggling game of channel-changing. But my 10 days consisted of philosophical inquiry, mental relief, satisfaction and anguish through music, arguments, laughter, calculations, frustration, and happiness.

I guess I should start by saying this: with time positive things will arrive, be it improving on an instrument you have struggled with for 3 weeks or catching the game tying point in Ultimate Frisbee to boost your confidence tenfold or even understanding the philosophy that has dominated your psyche since birth. Yeah, I agree, the latter one is not something you would come across often, but hey I was thinking about that stuff almost everyday in the last 10 days.

One of the main successes I had in the last ten days was my ability to overcome failures in tabla playing. This last month provided me with a great challenge when it came to tabla playing. Whether it was the form, the strike of my hand to the drum, or my rhythm that was incorrect, I still couldn't play the harmonious sounds that once resonated through my entire home. My instructor had given me all the necessary tools to succeed and learn the lesson within a week, but I just kept on failing. I played tirelessly hour upon hour, failing each time I tried to improve in one area of my playing. Now I have been through a ton of failure in my life, be it through love, academics, family, hobbies, whatever, this failure was exceptionally difficult to overcome. I was in a slump. It took 3 weeks to get out of the slump, bu. THREE WEEKS! Shoot, I could have watched 42 hours of SportsCenter in those three weeks if I just quit when the slump started. Obviously, I didn't get to see those 42 hours of SC, but I did learn a huge lesson that just keeps on reappearing in my life. "Failure + Failure - Worry = success." Weird logic, but it makes sense to me! I am back on track now, folks.

This was definitely a lesson learned only through time. Over and over this lesson appears in my life. And now I realize it and will use it to my advantage, as opposed to the previous habit of ignoring it and worrying about my failures! Be happy, my friends!

The 5-week Ordeal that changed my life...

It all began 364 days ago where I partook in a journey that would change my perception of the world, of life, and of myself. It was in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I was there to take a simple geology course and live in a University of Michigan estate, known as Camp Davis, for 5 weeks. It was in this area where I would build my first tent, climb my first mountain, get my first sunburn, have my first s'more, horseback, white-water for the first time, and even lick my first rock (it was gritty just so you know). But, most importantly I made some pretty gnarly friends. Some people that stood out and made my experience just that much better are acknowledged below:

i. Keegan Melstrom – This man taught me to just be me, even if he taught me indirectly. He enjoyed the luxuries of life, and allowed me to enjoy them as well, even though it took me a whole year to figure it out. He just took any opportunity that came his way and lived.

ii. Danielle Forsyth – Heck, I didn’t even notice this girl until she said she worked at JcPenney. And then, I talked to her, and go figure she apparently works with my Mom at the JcPenney where I used to live. Her smile is probably what struck me first. She loved to smile even when she was having her “shitty” days. And essentially, I should have learned from that. Smiling really does help.

iii. Rachel Beagan – I guess we just got along, but I don’t know how. We seemed to just talk one time sitting next to a camp fire on her 21^st and it was an awkward moment lemme tell you. Awkward moments aside, I never knew what it could have led to! A good friendship that will last. She taught me to not worry about anything. Be it love, academics, my interaction with people, family, etc. she taught me that there is always someone out there who is willing to listen and can help out. Letting the worries build up inside will make you explode. It’s always to have a good set of friends.

iv. Matt DeFauw – He is just funny. No matter what happens, he is so happy! Lesson learned: shake off the negative thoughts like a duck is able to shake off water from its wings

v. Alyse Opatowski -- I learned from her that life is just too short to not have fun. She was loads of fun to be around.

And only from these 5, they have impacted me so greatly. I know I am missing about 30 or so other folks that definitely introduce me to the wonders of life.

On a more personal note, I was inspired by Nature and its glorious beauty in this trip so much so, that I cannot even describe what I liked the most. I just LOVED it all. Be it hiking for 7 hours, horseback riding on the top of mountains, rafting for hours, or soaking up Vitamin D some 1600 ft above sea level, nature just left me breathless. I will leave you with these picturesque views of what I saw in this great journey. GO NATURE! WOOHOO!

DhaDha Dhin Dhin Dha / NaNa Tin Tin NaNa...Sounds like harmony to me

It all started last year, from what I remember. My mother was going to India and it was my one and only chance to get the one instrument I wanted to play all my life: the Tabla. I fell in love with this two-piece drum (primarily played in the Northern parts of India) when I grew up to the songs of Bhajans, or religious songs.

I came home one winter evening 1 week after my mom came back from India, to find the instrument lying in my room waiting to be played. However, I was told by my father not to get distracted, so I put off the tabla until 5 weeks ago. I could not believe how difficult the instrument is to play, but it comes with any challenge. Struggle at first, and then success with more work. I mean the first two notes (Na and Tin) took 3 weeks to master, but it definitely was worth the effort, as I can now play more difficult notes and endure more minutes of playing time without tiring.

And even though my forearms are sore from the intense practice I go through to be a top notch tabla player, I know that playing this instrument allows me to experience both relief from my stresses and a sense harmony. I can imagine myself years from now just letting the sounds of Na and Tin and Dha and Dhin resonate over my whole home as I play for hours. Heck maybe I will be good as Zakir Hussain. Just Kidding, he is ridiculous. Aight gang, gotta go practice!

So much for a lazy summer vacation...

As the first year of my young college career came to a close, all I wanted to do was relax and be lazy for the entire 4 months of summer vacation I had in front of me. Maybe I could go for a tan, workout some, chat it up on AIM and Facebook. Yeah, so much for that, except for the tan part. Almost everyday, I am slammed with articles to read, tabla to play, Gujarati to learn, puzzles to solve, working on muscles I haven't worked on for months, doing experiments for five hours, etc. Despite having so much to do, I enjoy being busy. Sure, it sucks doing an experiment that isn't promising and redoing the whole thing until it works, knowing all well I can mess up the entire experiment by a simple touch of my glove. Despite this tedium and workload, I always tell myself "Well it's either this or watching 5 straight hours of SportsCenter".

After absorbing the wisdom of hundreds of people I have met/seen/admired in the 19 years of life I have lived, and through some life-changing experiences of my own, I learned that I cannot waste 4 months of my life waking up at 11 AM and sleeping at 3 AM. The most opportune time to do a 6 mile run has gone; playing tabla that extra hour in the morning is gone; even reading a book that you have always wanted to read will just collect dust as more time is wasted. It hasn't sunk in that I need to wake up earlier until a few days ago. I mean, fine, I wake up every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 7 AM, but what about Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday?If I were to get up at a time where the sun is halfway between rising and setting, well that just wouldn't be day now would it? I think it would be a half-lived, half energized, half appreciated, half day. I learned that this is not the way I should spend four out of seven days of the week.

So there is just one simple phrase that has been preached countless times to me by my elders:

Carpe Diem my friends. Carpe Diem. What a beautiful phrase, and so overlooked. When my Dad first told me that, I was an ignorant teenager and merely nodded to just move on with the conversation. Every year he and my Mom would always snare "Tejas, get up earlier. Don't live you life like this!" It hasn't hit me until now. Now, all I think about is living the best way possible without the need of materialistic monotonies to fulfill my life.

Only a few days can change a lifetime. Spoiled by the luxuries of home, I forget that life is too short even if I have only lived 19 years. I have begin to take order in my life, making goals for the day, smiling for no reason, help my parents even if I wasn't asked to, bug my brother (well that's just for fun), and living.

That's just it. This summer is all about me living.