“The real fault is to have faults and not to amend them” --Confucius

It is interesting when another person points out your faults and errors and you must cope with the sometimes harsh truth of his/her acknowledgment. Be it from a 2 month old baby who lived with you for 4 days, to a PhD student whose life consists of PDMS and stem cells, or to an old friend you just happened to run across after 2 long years, faults about yourself that are pointed out by others is never easy to digest, especially the ones that can change your psyche of life.

My cousin came over about 3 weeks ago and brought his little 8 year old, and her even littler 2 month old to stay for 4 days. I am proud to admit I have a knack for babies, as they would laugh at my faces, my goo-goo's and my gah-gah's, my whistles, and my ridiculousness. I went to make the little 2 month old baby laugh and she pointed out one fault I had: my aggression to simply pull out a laugh in someone. It wasn't like I shook this little baby to make her laugh; I just tried all my tricks. All the goo's the gah's, the monkey faces, and the train whistles instantly failed because she would start crying. I learned that in order to make her crack a smile, I just eased myself to make conversation with her and then crack in a joke. Uh, in baby talk, I mean...

And yet my faults just kept becoming more apparent to other people, like to my supervisor. Impatience is to research as oil is to water. They don't really mix well. Now when impatience and insecurities are mixed together, trouble starts fomenting. And that is what my PhD supervisor pointed out. I was insecure about my skills, my ability to work efficiently, my ability to be as smart as her, to be as dedicated as her, to make first impressions with people in the lab, heck even insecure if I could cut something up that my cousin's 8 year old could do! I was beaten up by my insecurities, and when my supervisor inadvertently pointed out my insecurities, I knew I had to change. I would do little things that would perk me up when I didn't do something right, talk to one new person in the lab every day, read articles for fun, take less breaks so I can spend more time on the research, think about happy thoughts, or just think about something random like a song I listened to on the bus. Insecurities come and go, so why don't I just secure myself? Easy said, and yeah, it is easy done once you got a noggin with the right attitude.
Amazingly these lessons all came together when I met my old friend just yesterday. She and I changed quite a bit, I’d say, but we never changed our friendship. 2 long years didn’t really do anything to us. She’d open up about her first year in college, give me a few pointers on how to be less awkward in a conversation (there is a story behind that), and even made me laugh when laughter was needed. I would talk about the stresses of college, the craziness of my first year, and the amazing people I have met. And as we reminisced about our pasts and presents, she helped me realize that the smallest gestures I did really impacted her. I once gave her a note, and she still keeps it with her to help her shed a smile when times are rough. Or even when I gave her a present, I thought would be absolutely embarrassing and unorthodox, she would think it was a prized possession and crazed about it in college. She really pointed out to me that the smallest things in the past can have the most profound effect in the future. A simple hello, or a rap on super volcanoes, or even some Dr. Pepper boxers can just change how people portray you. So, what is the fault I have that she pointed out? These simple gestures have disappeared, vanished within the flux of time. How did it vanish? It vanished because of my current insecurities, because of my need for attention through humor and conversation, and the complete U-turn of my personality as I went from “hilarious and witty” to “serious and stern.” She told me, unknowingly, to bring back the old personality where I would be confident, friendly, funny, caring, and witty. And once this was brought back, heck my insecurities would be totally gone, the humor and conversation would just arrive, and positive things would happen in the future, like how it has been 2 long years and she still keeps a note I wrote to her that keeps her spirits up. The old Tejas, and to some of you the New Tejas, has arrived!